Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
i don't even remember going to get food. i think i got gas too.
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
help me choose which girl to send myself boning to my girlfriend to make her want to break up
which one looks the most like her?
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Moral of the story: don't have drunken shower sex with the lights off...or you WILL break your foot. And the shower knobs.
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
A bitchslap is in order.
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Randomize
