Hey look on the bright side if youre preg at least you know it and wont have it in a toilet
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
So was it you or me who decided it was a good idea to inscribe fuck you on the counter?
That was me. Just a 'welcome to our home' kinda thing.
Are you still goin to the xmas party?
Yaaaa why?
Jus making sure i will have nice people i know to put a blanket over me when i pass out in the field .
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
You turned to me, winked, whispered "man the harpoons" and walked out with the fat chick
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Yes, let me tell you about the time I was forcibly locked in a bathroom when my ex-girlfriend was having a bad shroom trip.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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