I spilled a beer on myself, so I went back to my place to change. The city marshall was at my door with a warrant. That beer cost me 760 bucks.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
okay I'm thinking he doens't have a facebook...I'm on page 28 of Hunters
ok you need to stop NOW
its whatevr the fuvk you could ever want is wht it is. i dont wanna read. literacy? overated in my opinion. overated.
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
you'll never guess what i found when i got home...
a cake, in the toilet
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
Slipping me an edible before my ochem final was not your brightest idea. Looks like I'm switching to business.
Like that time I held Annie up and she peed all over the window.. We make a good team.
I've already started drinking so the earlier you get out of class the more coherent I'll probably be.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
I just found out two girls I dated met each other, bonded over how much they hate me, started dating and are gonna get married soon.
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
Randomize
