yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
i woke up completely naked except for a bottle of beer saran wrapped in between my boobs
The cabbie told us to at least pretend we weren't doing coke while he was driving
You may have cured my horniness. I feel like my libido just got shat on by kittens who live on an enchanted rainbow.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
Randomize
