My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
That's not a funny feeling. That's hepatitis. You got it from that bar where everything was sticky.
I just smoked weed out of a baked potato.
You rock my world.
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
