Sandwiches eeeeeeverywhere.
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
You supply the liquor and I'll "accidently" forget my bathing suit.
Deal!
Woke up to 'distilleries' on the history channel. Proceded to vomit all over the floor. Back on the wagon today.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
The last time you said "no one will know" is when you ran out of sprite at your birthday party and dumped a handle of straight up vodka into the jungle juice.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
I beat my mom's friend's boyfriend in a vodka chugging competition. Our generation FTW.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
they told me if I wanted to live here I had to get an ass tattoo and then they all mooned me simultaneously. ass tattoos as far as the eye could see.
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
Like you haven't hit rock bottom until you have had to throw your own turd out a window
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
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