i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
It's like leaving me for his wife wasn't enough. He had to give me an STD too.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Two drag queens are fighting over me. And yet the night is still getting weirder
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
GUESS WHO STILL HAS BOTH NIPPLES!
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
I'm currently watching porn and playing beer pong with wine in the lobby of a hotel with a squadron of hot airforce guys. You can never say your life is better than mine again
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
