So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
Don't go all Obama on me. George Bush this decision and just do it. Thinking's for the morning after
when i got to my bed there was a handwritten note that said "wash the sheets." sleeping on the couch.
In case you come back to the room and i'm not here, yes there's a cup filled with gravy in the microwave. Just take it out if you need to heat something.
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Talking to her is like watching "Bad Life Choices: The Movie"
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
please come here right now, that girl who always gets her boob out is here and she brought taco bell
You know that you're in a bad spot when the doctor puts you on 500mg of amoxicillin 4 times a day for ten days and puts refills on it...
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
My liver is going to reject life during Greek Week
How many liver transplants can a person have? Bc you may need a couple
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
