i need a shirt that says "I fuck trainwrecks"
You had already cockblocked me. The cops were just an assist.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
hahahaha what do we need the kangaroos for? please tell me we release them instead of doves
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
She just kept screaming and saying "fucking you is like fucking a mountain"
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