She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
Would you want me to push you down the stairs OR throw you a baby shower?? Real talk
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I just realized it's officially fall..I had sex while watching Halloween
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Just got back to the apartment. Why os there now 14 identical toothbrushes in the bathroom and only the two of us live here?
Randomize
