im ready to get crazy and take my wig off
im six kinds of drunk right now
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I'm happily sitting on the toilet cause I'm too tired to move. I'm considering making this my permanent residence. It has a lot to offer.
The site I use to study flash cards keeps showing ads for truck companies hiring drivers. It's like the site is saying "hey, we all know there's no hope for you, just give up and Become a truck driver."
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
