So he asked me last night if I would cheer him on while he masturbated...
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
Did I show you my penis last night?
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
I'm sorry i ruined our friendship with a boner
I would call you but I don't feel like these hands belong to me.
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
I know you're gay. But if I'm not getting dick, then you have to. That's what friends do.
just imagine me sitting naked on a toilet with a fully-clothed dude i havent seen in 2 years, trying to make normal conversation except that im covered in blood and he's helping wipe me down while i try not to pass out because blood makes me NERVOUS. And he's apologizing and i'm apologizing.
I just need to stick to one night stands and delete social media
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
I just had a mini meltdown cause I thought they forgot to put the cheese packet in my mac and cheese. I'm having an awful week.
Do not let Mike show you his naughty Santa Claus outfit. It's a super long beard and crotchless pants.
Randomize
