Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
There's a dead frog in my kitchen?
Yeah, you found him outside and decided to give him a bath with your roommates electric toothbrush.
The worst part is that you sang Air Supply songs to him as you did it. Poor guy died in the middle of "Making love out of nothing at all"
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
Which one of you drunk assholes put a parental lock on my cable box last night? More importantly, what's the pin? I'm missing the UK game.
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
They left me at home... I'm a liability
Randomize
