i just told a girl i would suck the alcohol out of a deoderant stick
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
You know how my eyes change color? Well I noticed after I hook up with someone my eyes are greener.
Wow, so you're like the Edward Cullen of sluts.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
After a valiant attempt at golf, I think it's time for Tiger to go back to doing what he does best- having sex w/ blond, white women.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
You were trying to be sexy by spraying your contact solution on your chest and telling me to lick it off
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
I’m excited to finally meet my stalkee and his penis!
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