dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
I have a pair of clean panties in my purse. This is having your life together.
i just told him to get ready, because I'm going to be taking out my anger over the Super Bowl out on his penis.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
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