i woke up to see him pissing on your n64. thats like killing a unicorn. punishable by death for sure.
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
the bride spent most of the night apologizing to people she had punched earlier.
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
I realize it truly is impossible to burrow under the grass like a mole. Let's not drink for at least another 3 days.
I just haven't been myself lately. I slept with a guy 21 years older than me and I've been wearing my hair in a center part.
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I just don’t understand what sort of USPS worker wants to take my unitard and sex toys.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
