Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He was really drunk and I dared him to jump the swimming pool on his bike. Sadly he couldn't. Hey did you know a testicle can burst?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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