Got some. In a truck. I will just pee you in the morning i guess?
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
The walk of shame isn't so shameful when you do it in a stolen, autographed Favre jersey.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
It's just a condom. Most people would commend me for saying I was going to start using them, and you're acting like I'm going to try heroin.
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
I considered my 2012 starting right when the cop followed the wrong car for the bottle rocket we shot at him
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Floor bacon is actually really good
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
Randomize
