Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
getting kicked in the face by someone doing a keg stand. just my luck
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I think she was eating a cup of ramen noodles while we banged, or had a seizure
I made out with all three roommates...I didnt realize that was actually an awkward situation.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Randomize
