Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
Sitting in a bubble bath with my bong, how's your morning?
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
thank you for extending my knowledge of the effects of vodka. speak of what happened last night and i will kill you and send your fingers to your loved ones.
There is a special place in Hell for whichever one of you put Ben Gay on my dildo. It was a very uncomfortable April 1.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
I guess I asked for the two old strippers numbers at the end of the bar and it turned out to be the bartenders mom and aunt...
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
