So I hogged the stall at Denny's for so long that a little kid shit his pants and ran crying to his mother. Am I a terrible person for this being the proudest moment of my life?
When we woke up, I asked if we could play "what does your name rhyme with".....he said 'bave' thank god it was easy
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
I have more sex toys than shoes - HOW AM I SINGLE?!?!?
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
He ate me out in a golf cart while I watched the sunset. You are so right, golf skirts do provide amazing access.
Randomize
