I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
im failing my bio class b/c he booty calls me wednesday nights at 6 like clockwork
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
My soul is telling me that I need to take this exam naked.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I barfed on the cat last night. Just wanted to share.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
