she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
Omg. Just talked to a semi driver from nebraska. Got her truck stuck. Gave her and her riding buddy a glass of vodka and a cig. YES.
there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
Don't EVER smell your tampon
just peed in the tub. didnt notice the passed out drunk guys there until a minute in
i had the all of mcdonalds chanting USA as he motorboated you
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Next time we throw a party together I would appreciate it if you didn't try to get my friends to hook up with friends of yours you know have herpes
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
There was a slutty maid costume on the floor when I woke up, but the house was trashed. Either she's been fired or got promoted, I'm not sure which.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
try to milk me bitch
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
Randomize
