Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
just looked up how to break up with someone nicely on google. glad to know im not the only one who looks up this shit.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
Random question, but did I leave a spoon on your dresser last night?
I woke up wearing a headband made of condoms. It was supposed to be a crown for the "prettiest fag hag" award I won last night. There is lube in my hair. I'm going back to sleep
Remember that girl from my stats. class that I ran into at the bar 2 weeks ago? She literally hasn't been to class once since I told her I sit behind her.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
Dude, I need a fuckin wingman and this could finally make us eskimo brothers, how can you pass that up?
Stop trying to mix nacho cheese and sex. Guys don’t want hot cheese near their junk. Pick a better fetish
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