The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
the new apple iphone has a feature that can find itself if you lose it, apple is getting closer to making a phone completely drunkproof...
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
ATMs should seriously have built in breathalysers, I would save so much money.
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
you're right. a strip only looks good in porn . mine just looks like a fucked up mullet
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Well he wouldn't kiss me so I made out with a German girl, took a shot with my boss, and I think I sprained my ankle. It was a quiet Sunday for me.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
Don't get into any trouble on your trip
The only foreseeable trouble would be pregnancy, but I gotta be sterile otherwise I'm beating some pretty fucking incredible odds
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
the next morning his mother came in to tell me that she made breakfast. she told me to put my clothes on too. awkward.
Randomize
