you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
shes trying to book us all flights to Ireland..I let her get mine and yours but stopped her when she tried booking the guy next to her at the library
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
I really wasn't that bad. I thought I was pretty tame.
When Anthony passed out you poured vodka on his face
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
You get 5 min
Your time limits don't scare me, I'll include foreplay and redressing in that 5 min. If you wanted to challenge me you should say you got an hour, id be scared then and more creative.
Pretty sure my first birthday present will be a pic of an 18-year-old's cock. And I am OK with that
I'm 2 seconds away from smashing the bottle and drinking it off the counter with a straw.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
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