She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
It was just a squirrel
You act like its normal to see a squirrel in the bar
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
I dunno. Last time I went there I had got sexually propositioned by a Belgian prince.
I'm not trying to alarm you guys, but I think I just swallowed a ketchup packet.
Yeah thats cool. We can play the alphabet game while doing bumps of coke in the back of his volswagon
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
You’ve seen my tits of course he broke his wedding vows
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