Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
I'm going to community service drunk, and I'm still going to be the most normal person there.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Definitely didn't just make out with a guy the same height as me just because we wanted to see what it would be like to not have to reach up....
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
