what do you think about when you wanna get rid of a boner?
dying kittens.
69 is so not fun when his penis is sporting a 70s hairstyle
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Tomorrow will not be complet unless someone eats me out. Just sayin
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
By the way, we're gonna have to get a new rug for the livingroom i kinda started ours on fire...
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
I just saw your brother in some random persons yard climbing a tree. Just saying.
Probably on drugs.
I didn't want to shower, so I shaved my legs in the pool . That drunk .
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
I went looking for them and I pulled my pants down and peed on the lawn. I found my phone in the same spot in the morning.
Randomize
