the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just found 'pokemon orgy' in my search history
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
I'm gonna need a helmet and adult supervision by 9...
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
I want you to know I am at work super hungover and I threw up in the mop sink. I feel like you will appreciate this
You're my fucking hero
Last night was a bad idea. I'm hungover and the contents of my purse smell like Korean BBQ.
Randomize
