just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
I'M OFFICIATING THIS WEDDING. HOLY SHIT.
Randomize
