My hand turned me down
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Fyi: he's overweight and balding. My biological clock is ticking so loud I can't hear the TV.
I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
he convinced me that i wont have to do the walk of shame bc he has to go to jail in the morning
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
So the stripper who poured a beer on my head also gives great head. Even she doesn't know why she went home with me. No more mystery shot challenges.
I have managed to reach the 'after meth poster look' before lunch here...
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
His chest is so hairy i want to pet it with my nipples.
ugh i want to get waxed but I’m afraid. my vagina has had enough trauma this week, i don’t know if I can put her thru any more.
Would you be opposed to me keeping a live lobster in the shower for a bit?
You should not be involved with someone who smells like that. Because that smell seriously does not go away. Even if you can't actually smell it at any given point, it will still haunt you
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