Why on earth are you answering my texts promptly? Thought for certain you'd be caught up in some ridiculous orgy by this time.
I'm that good.
she asked if she could keep her bee antennas on during her mugshot. i love halloween.
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
dude there is absolutely no room for a slide in our room
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
Whatever you didn't send me pics of you topless making bacon
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
I have no idea what that means but I'm googling things just so I can watch my thumbs move
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
So...I know we have a conversation later this week. But one of the key things I want to know is if I can specify having my body mummified and buried in Egypt (or at least nearby the Luxor in Vegas). How much money do you think that would cost? Do I need to increase my life insurance policy?
Randomize
