no. you can't hotbox the world.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
It was also my first failed attempt at shower sex.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Idk man, most things I eat are even better than I expected. Like when I drunkenly put mac and cheese on a slice of cheese pizza or when I soberly put mac and cheese into a Taco Bell burrito.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
I was on antibiotics for a bladder infection and couldn't drink and you told me there was no longer room in your life for me.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Randomize
