their songs make me feel all the things I wanna feel. Ya dig?
and what kinds of feelings would these be?
Happy, horny, occasionally hungry
I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
Housekeeping called in a homicide detective. Just spent an hour explaining that we had vigorous hotel vacation sex five times, even though I was having a heavy flow day. It'll definitely be what you call a memorable honeymoon.
I swear if it wasn't for meeting for drug dealers @ gas stations, i would never remember to get gas.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
I just don't understand how we smoked the EXACT same thing and I feel fine but Tim's over here serenading his fifth bowl of fruit loops with Elton John's entire discography.
It was one of those nights where you get back from the bar and end up staying up till 3AM beating off to facebook photos of girls from college
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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