Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
Lauren she was gnawing on a dresser. Gnawing. On. A. Dresser.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He's holding a pee stick. Yes it's weird.
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
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