We need to have an Itty-Bitty Titty Committee mtg somewhere in the range of 5 minutes to ASAP.
I smell stomach acid.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
He took the bartender's challenge and took a Jello shot with a tarantula frozen inside.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
my still drunk mind thought "hey this is a really good time to stand in the middle of the street barely clothed in 20 degree weather at 4 am talking about the blow job i gave him soph year of high school"
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
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