I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
As he was under the stripper backwards, he yelled "we should totally be facebook friends"
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
How bad is it that I'm banned from all of your family functions due to sleeping w/ both your brother and sister and they both hate me for pursing a relationship with either of them.
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
What happened lastnight it looks like I had sex with edward scissor hands....my back is so messed up
my bad i broke a mirror over your back
Randomize
