Reminder- he's a douche bag. A big one.
I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
My grandpa just complimented my boobs. Im taking this as a compliment but also brushing it off as alcoholism on his part.
private study room at the lib turned into byob study room. that turned into battle royale and eric impaling his leg on a pen.
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I forgot to tell you. Your neighbor was walking his tiny dog and saw me crawl out of my jeep drunk vomiting and holding onto my bumper. He just said: morning! all friendly.
Quick question. How did my clothes end up in your room on your bed and I end up outside your room naked on your couch?
I can get stoned and we can bake and then I can eat 70% of it and it will be awesome
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I can't hang out with this penis. I'll start thinking I like the person it belongs to.
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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