we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
He saw my tits then looked up and yelled thank you jesus as loud as he could
Dude...disintegrating condoms. Think about it. For all the guys that wanna go raw dog but their girls won't let them, and for the girls that wanna get pregnant but their guys don't want a kid. What do you think?
I think you've been hitting the soco too hard again.
should i go to class, or party with a mariachi band?
meriachi band is very tempting, do they have dos equis?
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
The night took a wrong turn after I found you smoking a blunt with a midget behind the bar...
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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