I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
i screwed him while his gf was puking in the shower. 2011 is looking up already
We are going out Saturday. Oh and we might also be jousting on bikes.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Next time, please cut me off before I'm at the point of pooping in the bathtub again
He has a bathrroom scale in his room with an alarm attached to it so anything over 150 sets it off and in his drinking stupper he can make a run for it.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
Of course, you have to give the courtesy text like last night when I told you my dick was gonna smell like peppermint
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
I just tried to snap you a picture of the CVS where we decided not to become parents.
Randomize
