i feel like my life is a cheap remake of American Pie
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
Keep in mind that he's 43, unemployed and living with his parents. There's really not much we could do to make his life worse.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
spring break - time to see if my two week detoxing gave my liver a chance to recover.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
I'm pretty sure I made out with a guy in a man thong.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
Randomize
