This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
It got awkward when the girl working at planned parenthood continued to hit on me, after she knew about my STDs.
I just got turned down by a drunk fat chick. At my own birthday party. God hates me.
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
We blazed in her bathtub. All 5 of us. Not easy bro
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
This is my gift to your gina
Also I'm so used to having sex with river guides that when he pulled out a condom I was actually surprised
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
My whole life is a joke
Yeah. I’m starting to see why you drink so much.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
Randomize
