Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I just want you to know that me val and amanda are drinking on top of a hill lookig at the chicago skyline drinking icehouse and we just peed in public.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
Spending my graduation money on an abortion. Welcome to the real world.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
She said "oh yeah" like Hulk Hogan with the muscle flex and everything. Totally digging this chick
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
I'm about to take plan-b with a glass of wine and ramen noodles. I cannot decide who will hurt more...my vagina, my kidneys or my pride.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
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