well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
I accidentally KO'd a baby in the airport. Thought you should know.
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
She had a belly button piercing in the shape of a cross. Talk about mixed messages.
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Randomize
