I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
So after I was tied with a feather boa he left me there with KFC and cherry coke
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
We are going to get high as balls and watch netflix
THIS IS WHAT BEING AN ADULT LOOKS LIKE
We are 100% horrible people, and im extremely happy we are friends
Still not over the fact that we prayed to Jesus to help us win beer pong
OH MY GOD REMEMBER ALL THAT I LOVE NEW YORK I DVRED BECAUSE I JUST DID
he just fucked me for my cheese.
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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