I just woke up in bed with 4 girls. Either i dont remember the best night of my life or they think im gay.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
This is the high leading the old right now
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
I came in your room, you looked at me and said "I fucked up" and then some kid showed up and took you to the hospital
if any part of your body has ever entered my vagina you are fucking obligated to speak to me if i so desire
Ok everyone, the frat server is slow because of the 11 TB of porn on there. Either clean out your partition by Sunday or it will be erased. Thanks for your help.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
Randomize
