Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
I blacked out the second time 3am rolled around. My brain was taking a beating trying to do that math.
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
He Dutch ovened me while I was hiding under the covers from his mom. Needless to say it did not end well.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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