Since when is my name a synonym for head?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
It's nights like those I refer to my life motto: You can't be just friends with someone after you've seen their genitals.
Would be fun, plus since its in public I'll keep my penis in my pants
My taste buds are fucked up, everything tastes like fire after last night.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
Might be using my graduation money to pay for an abortion.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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