Excuse me do you have gonnorhea?
I've rolled joints bigger than that penis.
I blacked out, fell off a swingset, and thought I was Liz Lemon for almost an hour.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
he put $150 on the cabs dash so 9 of us could pile in and ride 3 blocks to the apartment.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
btw telling the cab driver, that took you to your booty call that is now returning your wallet that you left in his cab, that you want to hug him is awkward
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
On today's episode of "What the Shit Did I Do Last Night," drunk me deleted ALL of the text messages I've ever had. Awesome.
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
