You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
thanks for house sitting, cat must be hiding again... everything go ok?
... about that ...
i dont know what it is, i just found it in my pants.
Working on an important paper into the wee hours of the morning, and every time I type the word "situation," I can't help but think of effing Jersey Shore. Those guidos are now ruining my academic life.
At one point we asked the guy to play "the lion sleeps tonight" with his bagpipes. Best version ever.
she worked me into her spring break cardio plan. im mondays and wednesdays.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
I had sex with two guys in one day. One on my grandma's couch, one on a golf course. This is the greatest post-surgery accomplishment I could ask for.
Randomize
