I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
Could someone please kill snooki before she contributes to the gene pool.
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I woke up to you singing What Makes You Beautiful and trying to blend an avocado with vodka.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
I sobered up and saw I was with the fat one and you had left laughing with the hot one. You're a terrible wingman, but an excellent manipulator
She ran from her surprise party screaming "I'm not ready for an intervention." Yeah, the girl has a problem.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
Randomize
